So I was contacted by a producer of a show coming up on ABC network about people searching for loved ones (and hopeful reunions). I sent in a packet with a video, questionairre, document copies, etc. This contact came after 2 iinternet postings about my mom, the first my sister-in-law posted to the Tyra Banks show, and the second I posted on CyberPages International.

It was all I could think about for days, because the producer had said that they had already searched a little bit for her. Later I thought, well of course they did, they need people for the show that have a good chance of reuniting on film. I actually went into a mild form of shock...when the reality hit me that soon I could be standing face to face with my mom.

Well, weeks have gone by, and I've talked to the producer twice, who said it takes time to sort through the submissions and what not to choose people for the show. So I don't know my chances, am waiting patiently, and hoping.

In the meantime two people contacted me from my post on CyberPages International to help with my search. Both have experience in searching for missing people, and one friend is still helping with the search also.

We've found that my mom married Morris V Thompson when she was living in Lubbock, Texas in the 80's. I called the Morris Thompson's listed on Switchboard, mostly answering machines, disconnected phone numbers, and two 'not him's'.

The last name Raagas came up as a possible relative in one search, but so far that has lead nowhere. We've found other documents...court records, old drivers license, et. Nothing that leads to her current location, but each document is like a small gift to me. It's like proof that my mother is really out there, the real person..not just the one made of memories that lives in my mind.

See my website for more info

I feel a little closer

I've slowed down on the search again. All of the pictures I received of my mother threw me for a loop. I look at my daughter now and see my mother's face. In quiet moments I wonder where my mother is, who is in her life that is close to her? Does she think about me? I worry that time will run out before I get to her, and imagine all of the ways that life would change if I do find her.

My life is so full right now. My youngest child is getting bigger, and soon I will have more time outside of my responsibilities. Should I write to the talk shows to try and have them help? I think about it, but I don't know that I would want to be reunited on TV. Those shows always make me cry, but it is so personal a moment I don't know that I would want hundreds of eyes assessing my reaction to me seeing my long-lost mother.

I have sent some emails and letters lately. I keep thinking that at the soonest I can arrange it I might take a trip to Arizona and search in person. We'll see. Sometimes it's difficult to balance today with the 'possibilities' of the future.

Recently I watched The Secret Life of Bees. A large part of the movie is based on a girl searching for the love of her mother, and I was sucked in of course. I loved the movie. It struck me that even though I am much older than the girl in the movie, the desire to know my mother is much the same.

In the movie, she is too young to remember much, but I was 10 the last I saw my mother. There is so much I don't know about who she was and is now, but there is also a lot that I remember about her. One of the things being her gentle and protective manner over me, and quiet moments shared. There are so many things about my mother that I understand now only from having walked in her shoes myself.

The search in itself has required a lot of internal shifting for me. The story of my mother overlaps my personal story, my siblings personal story, my father, and so on. Some of these stories are silently tucked away, some are blurry and some, like mine, reconstructed into a collage on display. We each have the choice of how we tell our stories, yet I always think of how irrevocably we humans are connected. There are not too many things that drive us as deeply as the love for someone close to our heart.

Time became a factor in my life at the age of 10. The day I began to think about the 'last' time I saw my mother was the first day of many years to come for me looking backwards. I yearn for the day when I am no longer looking backward to see my mother. No matter what the reality may be I yearn for it...sometimes when I call listed phone numbers for Linda McDaniels my hands began to shake and my heart pounds. Just me, and the phone, and the possibility of her on the other end. Then finally, me explaining to a stranger that I was calling in the hope that they were someone else.

I have imagined seeing her again, hearing her voice, every possible outcome good or not so good. Of course I hope for the good, but even if the result of finding my mother turned out to be heartbreaking I wouldn't hesitate at the chance to experience it. Because I know that I will never stop looking backward until that day comes.

Today I am sending a letter to the Department of Social Security, and requesting a forward to my mother's last known address. (Linda Schoonover, Linda Coole, Linda McDaniels ...just in case anyone is googling her name out there).

Here is a picture sent to me by a family member doing a little research (thankyou). I'm not positive that this is my mother, however the year and location are right.

This photo is from John H Glenn High School, Norwalk, CA, freshman 1964.

Short post today, and much left to get done!

Please note: I added the feature to allow visitors to subscribe to this blog. It's in the left hand column of this page.

Today my head has been spinning. A few dear friends have been looking for Linda...I've received a possible Phoenix, AZ address; listings on Littlebear addresses; possible highschool my mother attended with yearbook photos.

It is possible that my mother has moved since the last information found...that she was living on a reservation near Flagstaff, AZ, with a man named Little Bear. But all day my mind has been on the natives and the ancient land. My mother's best friend when she was younger was named Gypsy, who was Cheyenne Indian. And I remember visiting Indian territory when I was very young, where my parents bought me a beaded bracelet (similar to the one in this photo).

The Hopi Reservation, which lies inside of the Navajo territory, is the most ancient living ground today which the original habitants still occupy. The Hopi are very protective of their people, heritage, and land, and tourists are restricted from many parts of the territory. I have an acquaintance who spent 13 years of her childhood on the Reservations, and she has told me of the sacred snake-dances on the plateaus, and the Kachina dolls that are not allowed to be seen by white men while they are being made.

 from flickr

Is this really where my mother lives? If it is, can I find her there?

Today I am writing to the VA to see if they have an address for my mom that they can forward a letter to. Yes, my mom was in the Navy. She was a stenographer for the Naval Court and a secretary to the Chief of the Jag department. That's as much as I know about her time in the military. I'm very curious about how she decided to go into the military, and I try to picture her in bootcamp but I end up seeing Goldy Hawn in Private Benjamin. haha.

Her father, my grandfather was a Seargent in the Army. My great-uncle sent me this picture.

Pretty good looking guy. For those of you who know me, I'm sure you can see a resemblence. I lived with him for awhile when I was small, and I remember riding his dog "Red" like a horse. It makes me sad now that I didn't get the chance to know him. Come to find out, he had a picture of me up in his house until he passed away (the year I graduated from high school). I haven't seen a picture of my grandmother yet...but I do like suprises, so I look forward to that day.

I made some calls today to see if I can learn what my mother's rank and years in the service were. If I find out I'll update her profile on the website.  For anyone looking for a loved one who was in the Navy, there is also another 'official' resource, Navy World Wide Locator. This is only for active, recently discharged, and retired Navy service members.

Till next time.

Today I am filling out my registration for ISRR. They are an international registry for missing persons (family members or birth parents/children only) that has been around since 1975. You have to print out the registration and mail it in, then they add you to the database, where it stays indefinately (unless you remove it). When they make a match they notify you immediately.

The two additional family members that I spoke of in my last post are my mother's cousin, and my grandfather's brother! How exciting...my mother's cousin is one of those 'people's people', very easy to talk to. He filled me in on so much about the family, happenings in the past, and stories. And my great uncle, my grandfather's brother....sent me a picture of my grandfather and shared with me who he was, some of the details shared only as a brother could. Even though the search has been specifically for my mother, I have so much gratitude for the family members I've met along the way. Each adding to my understanding of my own lineage and sense of my personal history.

So my new year's resolution if you will, is to spend at least 10 min per day in the search for my mother. That may sound a small amount, but those of you with multiple responsibilities that include children understand. Furthermore, contacting potential lost loved ones can be draining and overwhelming at times. After about 16 hours spent on getting the website ready for interaction, I'm excited with the anticipation of having others involved in the search for Linda, and creating a community for others searching for their loved ones!

About a week ago I received a picture of my mother, Linda, from a dear family member who knew her years and years ago. I was momentarily stunned at seeing my mother's face again after all of these years (23 and counting). Though I have been searching for my mother on and off again for 15 years now, seeing her face again has stoked the fire of my desire to find her before the chance is gone.

(jencoole@hotmail.com)

This photo is from 1979. My brother, my mother Linda, and me on the right. Six years later (1985)would be the last time I saw my mother, when my father (adopted through Linda's second marriage) got custody after their divorce.

So years ago I started with the 'white pages', looking for my mother to no avail. I also tried the 'people finder' sites (us search, intelius, etc.) that millions of people regularly pay to use, only to find waaaaaaaay outdated addresses and no phone numbers.

About 9 years ago (1999) I left a message on a genealogy website (www.genealogy.com) and found my uncle...one of my mother's brothers. He found me rather, through a post I left on the message boards. He emailed me, and when I opened the email I damn near fell out of my chair! The last I had seen him was around the time of that photo..give or take a year. My uncle was warm, and endearing, and we emailed a lot for awhile, and still do occasionally. Unfortunately, he had not seen my mother for a few years at that time and hasn't yet.

A few years later (2003), I looked up my birthfather's name in the whitepages (www.whitepages.com or www.switchboard.com). The first number I called was a man of the same name, but not him. The second number I called, no-way...yes-way...it was him. Well, it was his wife, who freaked out..in a good way...because he'd been looking for me too. The last time he saw me I was 2....and now, thankfully, we are in regular contact and learning so much about each other.

Last year (2008 ) I found a Vegas marriage record online for my mother!!! She had married a Mr. McDaniels in 1994. I looked his name up in the whitepages, and sure enough it was him. He was very gracious. They had only been married briefly...he answered my questions and told me a little about her. He said that she had visited him about 2 years ago, and told him she was living in Arizona, on a reservation near Flagstaff with a man named Little Bear.

The reservations are Navajo and Hopi...and Little Bear could be a first or last name. So I've been searching for 'Linda McDaniels' in Arizona...calling and writing the ones who are published but so far no luck.

I did find some valuable websites, as well as two additional family members, which I will write about in my next blog post. Last week, as I mentioned, I received some photos of my mother. After looking at them for about a half an hour and sifting through childhood memories, I decided that too much time has gone by. This search needs to come to an end. So began the creation of my website, Searching Linda, to create a space for friends, family members, search angels, and others searching for lost loved ones to put their heads together and hopefully answer a soulful prayer.

There is a profile of known info on Linda, a list of tasks I need help with in this search, and a forum for Linda searchers as well as others searching for loved ones. Please visit and let's talk!